I used to be scared to look into the camera without smiling.
Looking through my pictures from my photoshoot this weekend, I realized this. And I thought “What an interesting metaphor for my life.”
Before I got sick this year I used to smile a lot, and mostly it was for others. I see now that I was really committed to being pleasing for others. But when I was sick, I lost all the extra energy I had. And energy to be anything else than what I naturally, organically, authentically was in the moment...totally GONE. I was raw, exhausted, burned down to bare skin, totally naked and real.
Now in front of the camera I feel freedom.
I can let you see me. I can let myself be. Now, I can truly love these parts of myself that I used to hide.
Sometimes I don’t like to smile. Sometimes I don’t think it’s funny. I am intense, I am serious and I am quiet.
I am a true explorer of the depths of Life.
My Grandma told me I was that way when I was little. I was the serious little girl on the playground who kept to herself. I was the quiet girl at the table with all the adults, observing, listening, and taking things in.
Through my healing I’ve learned to love that little girl, and that Woman inside me.
And now I see that there is also power in my silence.
Colitis, I honor you as the teacher you are, and the teacher you have been to me. Through the healing, the pain, the blood, the tears.... you were liberating me. I can really see it in this photo. I see Wisdom, power, and depth. Thank you for carving me.
With every breath I take today, may all beings awaken to a new layer of their majesty. May we all be blessed enough to receive the unique medicine of your individuality. May my sharing be healing medicine for all.