I've been exploring meditation on and off since I was a little girl. Mostly off, to be completely honest, because I never really enjoyed it. It was ok. I understood the value, logically, but I didn't connect with it.
As I continue to explore, this practice keeps unfolding. Recently (since the beginning of this year) my deepening in meditation was due to my focus of breath, which was an epic breakthrough. Within the past 2 weeks there's been more deepening.
I used to spend meditation focused on shutting off my brain. A loop of the same focus: "stop thinking, stop thinking, release thoughts, keep quiet brain". It's kinda like telling yourself you cannot think about a pink elephant and then that's all you can think about.
When I'm holding space for others, I notice time after time when I ask someone what they want, they begin to tell me what they don't want. I think we've all done this at some time or another, and this is what my meditation practice was like. "No thinking, no thinking, no thinking. Oh, there's a thought, nope, nope, go away. No thoughts."
It felt like resistance, and it felt like judgement, and it felt like work.
In the last two weeks I've settled into the space of meditation in a new way. Shifting my focus from (not) thinking, to simply feeling. It's amazing how quiet the brain gets when you shift your focus to feeling. There's simply no space to think because your focus is occupied elsewhere.
Feeling what it feels like to occupy this body, feeling the sensation of my breath in my chest and in my belly, feeling the spaciousness within and around me. Feeling my soul. Almost like asking the question "Who is the one that occupies this body?" and then just FEELING for the answer. Not like searching for the answer but just being curious about what might arise.
From this new space I'm enjoying my morning practice and I'm enjoying using this time to get quiet and connect with myself. It feels spacious, and it feels like a silent, surrendered treasure hunt.
To the one who occupies this body:
You are exquisite. I invite you to the party of Life in your full unbridled expression. I love your heart, I love your creativity, I love your courageousness, I love your truth and your vision. I'm excited for our continued adventures and for this beautiful unfolding. <3