Today I awoke with creativity bubbling - excited for the day and what will be birthed. Excited for my meditation, a quiet moment to sit and feel the depth and the stillness within. It's nice to pause for a moment and feel the beat of my own heart and the quiet stirring of my Soul.
I'm so grateful for the gifts of Self-Love this year.
I've spent the last two years healing the place within where I believed that I was "too sensitive", where I believed that crying was bad and something to apologize for. Where I believed that feeling was scary and weak and all-consuming.
I've spent much time and energy and resources re-learning how to feel and giving myself permission to do so wildly and fully.
Matt Kahn says that one of the greatest gifts of our experience here on Earth is the ability to Feel. We come here to experience feeling and it's a privilege and a gift to do so.
This was a powerful reframe for me, because I began to look at feeling (especially the more difficult emotions and sensations) as a gift. I started playing a game with myself called "How deeply can I feel and how much can I appreciate that I'm able to?"
Then the real challenged showed up - someone I deeply love, for the first time in a long time - questioning my feeling.
At first I resented this questioning. It made me angry, and I Iashed out against it, defending myself. Then I saw it - if feeling is my birthright and my gift, then there was nothing to defend. So, I began to sit with it and get curious...
Is my feeling too much?
Is it safe to feel deeply and still be loved?
Is there something wrong with me?
I allowed myself to go there so I could take in both sides. But, this line of questioning didn't feel good and it didn't feel empowering. It felt like back-tracking and it felt like going against myself. It felt like questioning my core, which was painful. But that pain was helpful, because it allowed me to see that this was not my truth. It allowed me to sort out the voice within from the voices outside myself. And I deeply trust the voice within. My inner wisdom, my inner Wise Woman. She is the voice that leads me.
This also helped me get even more clear - my capacity to deeply feel is one of my greatest gifts. Beyond that, it's one of the greatest gifts of being alive in this Body. (This is another moment when knowing something in your head turns into knowing it in your heart).
Now, I am so grateful to this person for reflecting back to me all the places within myself still waiting to be filled up with self-love. I'm so grateful to all you beautiful mirrors out there for continually beckoning me forward on my path. For continually stretching me and calling me into the depths of my own Soul.
Each time I return to myself, I go even deeper, and so that relationship grows richer and richer. This is truly the ultimate gift.
Sending out a Sunday prayer:
With every breath I take today, may the whole Universe be bathed in Self-love.
With every moment of courageous feeling, may each heart open to its own magnificence.
May we each fully receive the unique extraordinary gift of ourselves and share that gift with others, for the greater good of All.
May my sharing be healing medicine for All <3